Fifteen-year-old Reaghan Carter has learned a valuable lesson from being the oldest sibling in a foster and adoptive family: always carry a bucket in the van.
It could be for a mid-ride toddler sippy cup explosion. Or when her adopted brother Brekken gets carsick, Reaghan knows he needs something underneath his face— pronto!
“If I were joking, I would say that people should be scared of becoming a foster or adoptive family,” she says. “But really, it’s so rewarding, even though some days can be hard.”
In foster care — where a trained, approved family temporarily cares for a child whose own parents cannot — and adoption, there ups and downs, which Reaghan has lived with her entire life. So she has a message for other teens who are curious about this way of life: Loving orphans (even “temporary” ones) is an awesome way to demonstrate the love of God, the ultimate adoptive Father, though that doesn’t mean it’s always easy.
A sister on a mission
Reaghan is the oldest Carter kid. When she was a year old, her biological parents started fostering Beighley, whom they eventually adopted. More kids arrived through the foster system and became a permanent part of the family. This sort of life is all Reaghan knows.
Today, Reaghan has a total of five siblings, four adopted from foster care and Ryland, her biological brother.
To foster and adopt is her family’s mission. Because her family might be the only reflection of Jesus that these children get to see, fostering makes a difference in kids’ lives, she says, “even if they’re tiny babies.”
Reaghan sees herself as an important part of her family’s calling, an she embraces her role as a big sister to those coming in and out of her home. That can mean enjoying some of the fun parts of helping her parents – like rocking infants to sleep, teaching preschoolers their ABCs or picking out cute outfits. Other times, it means her heart is breaking as she says goodbye to kids who are adopted or return to their biological families. Reaghan and her siblings take things one day at a time, because plans frequently change – kids from foster care in their home could be moved out at any time.
Many of these kids also have had special medical challenges or trauma in their pasts, so there have been surgeries, hospital stays, therapy appointments, court dates, tantrums and other difficult behaviors. One of her siblings is nonverbal, and another has early childhood trauma that has caused challenges in bonding with the family.
Faith & Fostering
Reaghan knows she simply could not be a good sister to her siblings without her relationship with Jesus. Being a kind sister to so many kids takes a selfless attitude, which can be challenging to maintain. But when she was younger, after hearing from her parents and church how Jesus died on the Cross, Reaghan asked the Lord to transform her heart to make it more like His.
She knows she isn’t perfect. She loses her cool sometimes and wishes these kids would just go to bed right now so there’s some peace in the house to enjoy some of her favorite things. But she also realizes that God uses the hard things in life. like loving children from very tough circumstances, to make us realize our need for Him.
When she has downtime, Reaghan likes to look through her growing collection of sports memorabilia and to read biographies. She also loves all things Texas, even though she lives in Colorado. Her dream is to become a motivational speaker like Tim Tebow or Sadie Robertson Huff. But for now, she feels she’s a work in progress.
“Jesus plays a huge role in my life,” Reaghan says. “I think His heart breaks for those kids who don’t have families, and to be like Jesus, we need to care for the orphans and the widows, like it says in James 1:27.”
That verse reads, “Religion that that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widow in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.” So when Reaghan helps her parents by making PB&Js for her siblings or putting a baby down for a nap — or tossing a puke bucket at just the right moment to Brekken —she is actually living out the Gospel in real time.
The battle against loneliness
Reaghan’s relationship with Jesus also helps in another way: when she feels left out or forgotten. People who see her family often notice the kids with special needs first or ignore Reaghan and Ryland entirely. It hurts.
“As a bio kid, I think a lot of people tend to forget about us,” Reaghan says. “I don’t think they do it on purpose, but people feel like they need to give more love to the kids from foster care to make up for the lack of love from before.”
Many Christmases, Reaghan and Ryland have received fewer presents because of the many gifts given by agencies, friends and sometimes even the families of the children in foster care. Fun local events are sometimes only for those kids, not biological kids.
Reaghan’s parents do make it a priority to spend time with just her and Ryland. Sometimes they have a movie night with just the four of them. Other times they have individual time together to make up for the emotionally draining parts of their lives.
Thankfully, Reaghan knows that Jesus never forgets her. She gets to spend alone time with Him through reading the Bible, praying and praising Him on the guitar.
And though she does sometimes feel lonely, she knows that her foster siblings have probably felt super lonely too. But Psalm 68:6 says, “God sets the lonely in families.”
“That’s His whole mission,” Reaghan says. And she gets to be a part of it!
So maybe it’s nearly impossible to find a quiet corner to read a biography because a child is screaming. And maybe Reaghan is drained after running up and down the stairs to help her siblings when her parents are busy.
But those things are part of being a family. And Reaghan wouldn’t change it for the world.
This article was originally published in Focus on the Family’s Brio Magazine in the October/November 2024 issue.
For more information about Brio, please visit BrioMagazine.com.
Article by Crystal Kupper / Photos by Kyla Krahn
