Asking your caseworker questions is an important starting point when becoming a foster parent. Your questions need to create a dialogue on what the child(ren) you are caring for needs to heal and thrive; they are not only to garner information. Listen to the caseworker with the intent of finding cues that will guide you in creating a safe home for the child/ren entering your home. With this information, you can help the child feel seen, heard, and valued while you work diligently to meet their needs. It is like the feeling you might get when you go to a short-term rental, and they provide coffee, blankets, games, and even comfortable bath robes. You feel taken care of when your needs are met.
Questions to Ask Your Caseworker
So, let’s start by setting the tone for your time with a child coming into your home. When starting a conversation with your caseworker, consider beginning with this question: “What is special about (insert child’s name)?” Another question echoes this same tone: “What does the child respond to?” Your hope is to get ideas about the child’s personality, likes, interests, and potentially the routines and rhythms the child responds to.
Dr. Miriam Medero-Eng, a pediatrician on the Focus on the Family Physician’s Resource Council, has provided a list of ten helpful questions that your pediatrician might ask about a child in foster care. You can click here or on the image below to download Dr. Medero-Eng’s helpful list.
1. Physical or Medical Needs
Next, let’s look at what the child may need. Think about their physical or medical needs.
Obviously, it is helpful to know about the child’s special health, dental, or dietary needs.
- What are their favorite foods?
- What do they not like?
This information is vital to caring for the child/ren; however, you can also ask what special care they might need or benefit from.
- Do they need their eyesight evaluated?
- Are they afraid of medical professionals?
- Are they currently on any medication, or do they need prescriptions filled?
- Do they have any allergies? If so, to what and how do you respond if they are exposed to their allergen?
Another important aspect to ask about is their sleeping habits.
- Are they early risers or night owls?
- What routines do they like at bedtime or when they wake up?
- Do they have a lovie, a comforting blanket, or a stuffed animal?
- Do they like the light on or off?
- Do they struggle with bad dreams or nighttime fears?
- Are there any concerns with enuresis (excessive urination) or encopresis (bowel irregularities)?
You might also ask if there are any sensory processing concerns.
- Are they sensitive to certain types of clothing?
- Do they avoid tags or elastic at the waist?
- Do they react to certain food textures?
- Such as mashed potatoes or yogurt?
- Are there any stimuli that bother them, such as bright lights, specific smells, chaotic situations, or loud noises?
- How are they around pets?
2. Emotional Needs
To continue the conversation, ask about the child’s emotional needs.
- What causes stress for the child?
- What soothes them?
- Do they like a particular routine to calm down, such as listening to music or chewing gum?
- Do they respond to movement or rocking?
- What other calming routines do they utilize?
- What kinds of fun do they like to engage in?
- Did they bring anything special with them?
- Do they struggle with any holiday?
- What type of situation were they removed from?
- What information were they told? Is there anything they weren’t told? Are there any family secrets?
- Are there any topics to avoid?
- Are there any relational connections that aren’t safe or that should be avoided?
Important to note is that a child may be coming to you from an environment where boundaries are very fluid. For example, the child may undress anywhere, and your role is to help them understand that in your home, they undress in the bedroom or bathroom. You may also need to talk to them about how bathing is handled in your home.
3. Social Needs
The child’s social needs also need to be acknowledged.
- Are there traditions they like to engage in?
- Are there visits with family that need to be scheduled? Prioritize these visits above everything else. They need the continuity of family connections as they are experiencing unsettledness.
- Is the child an introvert or an extrovert?
- What is their school experience?
- How does their teacher describe them?
- Is there a specific activity they appreciate and enjoy? Is it sports, reading, art, writing, swimming, gaming, chess, or running? Are they creative?
4. Cultural and Spiritual Needs
What about the child’s cultural needs?
- Does the child eat specific foods?
- Do they celebrate specific traditions?
- Were they raised with any prohibitions around foods or worship practices?
- Are there any unspoken practices, such as hairstyle, clothing, or other rituals, such as the use of sage?
Cultural needs also include their spiritual needs and their comfort level with spiritual matters. They may feel uncomfortable talking about their faith or not understand what it is to be a believer. Your job is to create an environment where they feel safe, seen, heard, and valued. When they feel safe, they can settle in. Remember, it will be difficult for children to ask for what they need. You will need to listen with intention to what they say or how they act to get your cues on what they need to feel comfortable.
Ask, Listen, and Love
You may not get the answers you want. In fact, you may get very limited information from the caseworker. However, you can still seek to meet the child’s needs by paying attention to how they respond. Your goal is to provide a consistent, calm, and caring space for them to discharge some of their emotional and physical trauma. Remember, behavior is a child’s language, so listen to what they are trying to tell you. Meet their needs and their behaviors will diminish. We meet their needs by not focusing on compliance but rather by letting them know that no harm will come to them while in your care and that you are doing your best to see them—not who you want them to be—to see them in all their hurt, fear, anxiety, and preciousness.
Show up as your best self, creating the space where a child can feel the love of Christ radiating through you. That, my friends, is your goal. Ask, listen, and love.
“Questions To Ask Your Caseworker” ©2025 Dr. Debi Grebinek. Used with Permission.
“10 Helpful Questions Your Pediatrician Might Ask About A Child in Foster Care” © 2025 Dr. Miriam Medero-Eng. Used with Permission.
